Sunday, May 02, 2010

Incomplete and happy to be so

Being a single woman who's almost thirty can be tough. Friends and family my own age are getting married and having kids and there's this feeling of urgency, of almost panic, that I'm falling behind and that, if I'm not married and have two kids and own a house by the time I'm thirty-five, something BAD will happen. I'll somehow have failed at life.

But I just have to keep reminding myself that if I really wanted to, I could have that right now. But I didn't want to settle for just that. In order to have that, I would have had to sacrifice some other things in my life that are very, very good. And maybe someday I will have those other things too... but only if I know that it will make me happier in the long run than I am now. And right now I'm quite happy as I am.

I was listening to Alanis today, and her song "Incomplete" has some very good advice:

I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
Of being forever incomplete

Ever unfolding
Ever expanding
Ever adventurous and torturous
But never done

Life's a journey, not a destination. There's nowhere that I have to be this year, or in five years. And it's good to remember that.


Anonymous said...

Family is having babies?! No one told me! I wouldn't worry about that, the rest of your immediate family is NO NEARER (and potentially much farther) from settling down!

That said, I do indeed think there is an incredible pressure to "do the married thing" especially if people you care about are doing it. It makes you feel left out. And in fact, might result in being left out, as priorities and interests and commonalities among people change as they move from being singletons to couples! But, in my opinion, healthy coupled relationships make single friends feel at home and happy in their presence rather than otherwise.

So. Let's embrace our journey and see as many things as possible along the way. Even if those things aren't a picket fence and walks in the dog park. We have much to be happy about!

Anonymous said...

Word to the family members who are NOT having babies!! Here, here!!

But... who is having babies!??


Violette said...

Thanks for the commiseration. And when I spoke of family having babies, I was speaking in general terms... no one is pregnant that I know of!