I just got back from another wedding. I have been to four weddings this summer and fall. I guess I am just at that age. But, it's made me think a lot about commitment and the nature of relationships.
This latest wedding was really beautiful. The bride was gorgeous, the food was great, the decorations divine. And all the same, there were people, including the groomsmen, who were making bets on how long it would last. Why? Well, perhaps a short history of the (happy?) couple is in order.
The best man introduced S to L. They started dating, then got pretty serious. S wanted to have sex, even though L is catholic and had never even had a boyfriend before. But L said okay, as long as S was sure he loved her and was going to marry her someday. So then they moved in together. But, then it seemed like S got sick of L. He was annoyed with her, and was thinking of breaking up with her. In fact, S even told L he wanted to break up. But, L had nowhere to go, and so they continued to live together. Then, like two months later, they're engaged.
So, did S suddenly have a change of heart and realize that he loved L? Or are other factors at work? When a friend asked S if he loved L, S replied to the effect that she was a good cook and housekeeper (which she is, she takes care of everything). Now, was S just joking, or was there a little kernel of truth to that statement? Instead of suddenly realizing how much he loved L, it seems to me more likely that S: 1) Felt bad that he was about to dump a nice, good catholic girl that he'd pressured into having sex, and going to break his promise to her that he'd marry her someday. 2) Realized that L is basically a nice person, and a great cook and housekeeper. What's not to like?
Basically, I'm wondering if S really loves L, or if he just settled for "good enough"?
And really, what's the difference? I'm not one of those people who believes in soulmates. I think there's more than one person out there that we could end up with. You basically gotta find someone that you're mostly compatible with, and then work hard at the relationship. None of this "meet your soulmate and live happily ever after just cuz you're meant for eachother" stuff. But now I'm wondering, if you're like me, and believe that no relationship is ever perfect, then how do you know that you've found someone to share your life with, or if you're just settling for "good enough"?